I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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