Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
