I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
