google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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