weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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