ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
