when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Even my vagina gasped.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
