I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
