when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
