Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
