i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
