they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
