I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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