Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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