chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
