you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
