DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
