We won't sleep together?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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