is your mom at the bar?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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