we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
