i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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