when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize