Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
