I'm really into asian looking animals
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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