Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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