Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
