I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
