So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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