I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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