Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize