nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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