I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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