we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
