1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
