I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
