we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
