I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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