I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
