put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
