just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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