halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
