So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
