I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
high people should be assigned attendants
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
