Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
