Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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