dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
