Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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