Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
