i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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