dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize