so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
