found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
