perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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