they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
