Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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