What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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