Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
