he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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