i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
