he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
