He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
