she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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