I heard we made out
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
my poor anus
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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