you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
a search helicopter?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
