Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
