My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
