so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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