I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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