it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
