don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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