It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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