I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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