super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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