Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
