Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
