So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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