u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
