She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
