I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
