drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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