and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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