Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
