I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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