I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
