The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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