Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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