I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
