I'm eating all of the evidence.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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