Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
