oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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