How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
