its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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