wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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