Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
