Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
