the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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