Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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