When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
