Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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