He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
