porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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