I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize