I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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