you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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