my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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