oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
