New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize