I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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