i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
