I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
