i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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