I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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