Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
