Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
