Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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